beautiful. I am a decomposing leaf composing a leaf I’ll never see. I love this. I love future-me. I can’t help myself, but I can do one thing for future-me, and maybe that’ll add up to be me and enough and okay.
Thanks for connecting. I’m in a scary place tonight. I made a mistake, a connection too deep, with someone a few weeks back. The bad things in anothers life, the death of the one who raised them, domestically debilitating ex, workplace disaster trauma, the encounter, and the hotel room a free doors down. We cannot afford each other. The bad things finding me echoes too strongly the paths another took through me. And they hurt. And the hurt s deeper than the meaning. I know I need to leave. I’ve never felt fear if it’s this. I know I need to leave.
I talked it out with some people I say good night to when I checked your message. I met them taking down a dead limb from a sycamore, scared to hit the person’s car other limbs of the tree is under.
I grab a second branch of the limb this person I just walked up to is tugging or walking down. When the branch is it’s farthest. I ask them to walk towards me. I ask if theyve ever done a maypole ceremony. The limb falls on the word ceremony. They offer me some of the wood. I think of the sight of the person I’ve met’s firepit, covered with expellants of their trailer with pop-out slide. I decline.
I take two hits. A won’t take it from me until it seems I cough, as I do and they do. I talk out how I got here. Between two oceans. Trying to get to Eugene to start school again. Staying because I met someone. Who could use my ear. And then my words. My hand, my presence, my thoughts, my mind, my being, my next to them, respectfully.
It all became who could please what’s made by being between us. And bring the other over making middles meaning. I’m scared. I need to leave. I want to leave this right enough to hurt than it misses.
ive said this in the comments of fog and sea lol but i really do love your writing style. it's very evocative and visual and enjoyable to read!
thinking about this idea of the "you" when you're creating something and the "you" after you're done being someone else, perhaps because the act of creating itself is a learning, growth process even though sometimes it doesnt feel like it....
i love the list at the end lol especially the last point but you already knew that bc im pretty sure i said it already on discord lmfao!!! i also like the bit about how people will always be looking for meaning, even if you dont intend for it... which is so fun!
for what its worth i think your voice comes through a lot in your work! and i cant wait for its amplification as you keep making art... it's exciting!
thank you!! im glad you like my writing style i struggle to think of myself as a writer and kinda often assume its holding back my other skills so ur kinda giving me more confidence with it.
also ty for what you said abt the other points in the manifesto its interesting seeing how they get interpreted. ppl looking for meaning in ur stuff is fun
there's great value in being open about feeling desperate and inarticulate and going for it anyway. it's inspiring, as someone who sometimes can't imagine not feeling that way.
I'd like to echo Cecile's compliments on the evocative nature of your style. it's rare that I find use of the second person more engaging than third or first; this manifesto is one of those exceptions. reading the first paragraph gave me a jolt: "me? how did you know??" I continued to get goosebumps as I went further, even knowing this was obviously written from your own experiences. so I think you succeeded in communicating the feelings described here
I was also intrigued and touched by the video element. it would be very cool if you did manage to put your literal voice in your future stories!
aaah thanks again, im glad the feeling i was going for got across, and ty for what u said abt my style!!
also with being open about being desperate being valuable, i think like while i was posting this i felt a little bad about it not rly being a manifesto in a looking forward sense but like idk trying to walk through how i felt now. but looking back on it after it being posted for a couple days i am starting to be ok with it because i think trying to pinpoint these feelings has been helpful to me and seems to have resonated with some ppl which is rly neat
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“The sky crosses your mind,” like a bird
beautiful. I am a decomposing leaf composing a leaf I’ll never see. I love this. I love future-me. I can’t help myself, but I can do one thing for future-me, and maybe that’ll add up to be me and enough and okay.
⚠️💖🛌🏻
This is a v hopeful thing to write under this, so thanks for writing it!
Thanks for connecting. I’m in a scary place tonight. I made a mistake, a connection too deep, with someone a few weeks back. The bad things in anothers life, the death of the one who raised them, domestically debilitating ex, workplace disaster trauma, the encounter, and the hotel room a free doors down. We cannot afford each other. The bad things finding me echoes too strongly the paths another took through me. And they hurt. And the hurt s deeper than the meaning. I know I need to leave. I’ve never felt fear if it’s this. I know I need to leave.
I talked it out with some people I say good night to when I checked your message. I met them taking down a dead limb from a sycamore, scared to hit the person’s car other limbs of the tree is under.
I grab a second branch of the limb this person I just walked up to is tugging or walking down. When the branch is it’s farthest. I ask them to walk towards me. I ask if theyve ever done a maypole ceremony. The limb falls on the word ceremony. They offer me some of the wood. I think of the sight of the person I’ve met’s firepit, covered with expellants of their trailer with pop-out slide. I decline.
I take two hits. A won’t take it from me until it seems I cough, as I do and they do. I talk out how I got here. Between two oceans. Trying to get to Eugene to start school again. Staying because I met someone. Who could use my ear. And then my words. My hand, my presence, my thoughts, my mind, my being, my next to them, respectfully.
It all became who could please what’s made by being between us. And bring the other over making middles meaning. I’m scared. I need to leave. I want to leave this right enough to hurt than it misses.
Thank you again for seeing
7 is where I used to crash on every kind of art.
The me that finished a piece is not the me that started it. And the two have severe artistic differences.
I've learned to remind the second to be a little kinder than his earlier incarnations were, and that has made a huge difference.
the -hyphened notes at the end in particular stick with me a lot, especially
- I want my voice in more of my games, not a metaphorical voice, how I speak. I will NOT be imagined American
- you will make art you dislike before you make art you like, so just make stuff
- bad art kinda rules
thanks!! and yeah they’re things i think about a lot
I love all of this. I love seven most of all, but I love all of this.
thank you! it means a lot
"bad art kinda rules" hell yeah it does
>:)
ive said this in the comments of fog and sea lol but i really do love your writing style. it's very evocative and visual and enjoyable to read!
thinking about this idea of the "you" when you're creating something and the "you" after you're done being someone else, perhaps because the act of creating itself is a learning, growth process even though sometimes it doesnt feel like it....
i love the list at the end lol especially the last point but you already knew that bc im pretty sure i said it already on discord lmfao!!! i also like the bit about how people will always be looking for meaning, even if you dont intend for it... which is so fun!
for what its worth i think your voice comes through a lot in your work! and i cant wait for its amplification as you keep making art... it's exciting!
and no, you didn't waste my time at all
thank you!! im glad you like my writing style i struggle to think of myself as a writer and kinda often assume its holding back my other skills so ur kinda giving me more confidence with it.
also ty for what you said abt the other points in the manifesto its interesting seeing how they get interpreted. ppl looking for meaning in ur stuff is fun
" I cannot fix this problem you have given me, I can only hold it a little more gently than you did."
well said. I greatly appreciate the earnest openness here
Thank you! Particularly on this it means a lot
there's great value in being open about feeling desperate and inarticulate and going for it anyway. it's inspiring, as someone who sometimes can't imagine not feeling that way.
I'd like to echo Cecile's compliments on the evocative nature of your style. it's rare that I find use of the second person more engaging than third or first; this manifesto is one of those exceptions. reading the first paragraph gave me a jolt: "me? how did you know??" I continued to get goosebumps as I went further, even knowing this was obviously written from your own experiences. so I think you succeeded in communicating the feelings described here
I was also intrigued and touched by the video element. it would be very cool if you did manage to put your literal voice in your future stories!
aaah thanks again, im glad the feeling i was going for got across, and ty for what u said abt my style!!
also with being open about being desperate being valuable, i think like while i was posting this i felt a little bad about it not rly being a manifesto in a looking forward sense but like idk trying to walk through how i felt now. but looking back on it after it being posted for a couple days i am starting to be ok with it because i think trying to pinpoint these feelings has been helpful to me and seems to have resonated with some ppl which is rly neat